CampusHelping a College Student Who Is Struggling. How to notice trouble from far away, talk about it, and use the help that already exists on campus and beyond.
A guide from The Blackburn Group. Last reviewed October 2026. This guide is general information, not medical or legal advice.
What to watch for
The first year of college asks a lot of a young person all at once. Most struggles start small, and you can often spot them even from a distance.
In a few weeks, a student leaves home, loses daily routines, meets new people, and faces classes with less hand-holding. No one checks if they slept, ate or went to class. Common pressures include homesickness, roommate trouble, money worries, a heavier workload than high school, and a party culture that can feel hard to avoid.
You will not see your student every day, so watch for patterns over time. Signs that something may be wrong include:
- Calls and texts that stop, or become short and flat
- Talk of not going to class, sleeping all day, or being up all night
- Grades they will not discuss, or surprise news of a failed midterm
- No friends mentioned, or saying they eat alone and stay in their room
- Stories that center on drinking, drugs or missed mornings
- Sudden talk of transferring, dropping out or coming home for good
One sign on its own may mean little. Several together, lasting more than a couple of weeks, are worth a real conversation.
How to talk by phone or video
Calls work best when they feel like a chance to be heard, not a test. Video helps because you can see how they look and how their room looks.
Pick a time when neither of you is rushed. Open with what you have noticed and why you care, in plain words. For example: you sounded tired the last few times we talked, and I wanted to check in. Then stop and listen.
- Ask open questions: what is the hardest part right now, what does a normal day look like
- Keep your voice calm, even if the news is bad
- Ask what they think would help before offering your own fix
- Agree on one small next step, like emailing an advisor or booking a counseling visit
- Set a time to talk again so it does not feel like a one-time alarm
If your student says they are thinking about suicide or harming themselves, take it seriously and act right away. Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911.
Campus resources
Most colleges already have people whose job is to help students in trouble. Your student may not know where to find them, or may feel embarrassed to go.
Names differ from school to school, but look on the college website for these offices:
- Counseling center: short-term counseling, crisis support and referrals to providers off campus
- Student health center: medical care, and often a first stop for sleep, mood or substance concerns
- Disability or accessibility services: accommodations such as extra test time for students with a documented condition, including mental health and learning conditions
- Academic advising: help with dropping a class, changing a schedule, or making a plan after a bad semester
- Dean of students office: a central contact when a student is in crisis, missing class, or needs help with several offices at once
Many schools also offer a medical or personal leave of absence. Rules vary a lot, so ask early about deadlines, how grades and financial aid are affected, health insurance, the residence hall contract, and what the school needs before a student can return. Encourage your student to make the first contact, and offer to join the call.
Privacy and student records
Once your child is in college, they generally control their own records, even if you pay the bills. Plan for this before a crisis.
A federal law called FERPA covers education records. When a student enters college, the rights under that law move from the parent to the student. In general, the school will not share grades, attendance or discipline records with you unless your student signs a release. Schools may share some information in a health or safety emergency, and some have other limited exceptions, but you should not count on that.
Counseling and medical records are usually covered by separate health privacy rules, so a school records release may not include them. Your student may need to sign a different form with the counseling or health center.
- Ask your student to sign the school release for academic records
- Ask about a release with counseling or health services if they are in care
Frame these forms as a safety net, not a way to watch them. A student who feels respected is more likely to say yes.
Home or support in place
There is no single right answer. The question is whether your student can be safe and make progress where they are.
Support in place often makes sense when your student is safe, still going to some classes, willing to use campus help, and open to talking with you.
Bringing them home, or taking a leave, may make more sense when:
- They are not safe, or have talked about self-harm
- They have stopped going to class and cannot get back on track
- Drinking or drug use is out of control
- A mental health problem is getting worse despite campus care
If heavy drinking or pill use is part of the picture, do not let your student quit suddenly on their own. Stopping alcohol or benzodiazepines suddenly can be medically dangerous; talk to a doctor. A leave is not a failure. For many students it is a pause that lets them come back stronger.
Extra structure and care
Some students need more than a campus office can give. Outside help can add structure, accountability or treatment.
Mentoring can help a student who is capable but drifting. A mentor meets with the student on a regular schedule and helps with routines, time, study habits, goals and follow-through. It is not therapy and not treatment, and mentors are not licensed clinicians. Blackburn Mentoring offers one-on-one, 60-minute sessions for college students by video nationwide, which works well for a student who is away at school.
When the problem looks like depression, anxiety, an attention or learning issue, or substance use, a clinician should be involved. That might mean the campus counseling center, a local therapist, or psychiatric care for an evaluation and medication management. Blackburn Clinical Services offers individual therapy, psychiatric care, neuropsychological testing and family coaching. If you are not sure which kind of help fits, our guide on case management, mentoring or therapy walks through the differences.
Planning a return
If your student takes time off, use it on purpose. A clear plan makes the next semester more likely to go well.
Too much free time can let old patterns settle in. Help your student build a simple weekly routine with sleep, some work or a class, care appointments and time with people.
- Learn exactly what the school requires to come back, such as forms, a letter from a provider, or a meeting with the dean
- Keep treatment going and set up care near campus before they return
- Consider starting with a lighter course load
- Agree in advance on how often you will talk and what warning signs mean it is time to check in
For a student who feels lost about the bigger picture, our guide on helping a young adult who feels stuck may also help.
Sources
Where to learn more from public health and official sources.
Next steps
You do not have to figure this out alone. Start with one conversation and one call.
If you want help sorting out what your student needs, see Where to start, or call us at (888) 305-5422 or email info@theblackburngroup.org. More resources for parents are on our families page.
If your student is in danger, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911.
Related help in Los Angeles: Help for a young adult son or daughter. Or call (888) 305-5422.
Related guides
Questions
Can I call the college and ask how my child is doing?
You can call, but in most cases the school will not share grades or records without your student’s written consent. You can always share your own concerns with the dean of students or counseling center. They may not be able to tell you anything back, but they can still reach out to your student.
My student wants to drop out. Should I let them?
Slow the decision down. Ask what is driving it and look at options like a lighter course load or a leave of absence, which may keep the door open. A leave often protects more choices than a full withdrawal.
Is mentoring the same as therapy?
No. Mentoring helps with structure, habits, goals and follow-through. Therapy treats mental health conditions and is provided by a licensed clinician.
How often should I check in?
Agree on a rhythm together, such as a short video call once or twice a week. Steady, predictable contact usually works better than many anxious texts.