UnstuckHow to Help a Young Adult Who Feels Stuck. What parents can do when a son or daughter between 18 and 26 is not moving forward, and what to leave to them.
A guide from The Blackburn Group. Last reviewed October 2026. This guide is general information, not medical or legal advice.
Why young adults stall
Being stuck is rarely about laziness. It is usually a mix of fear, lost confidence, missing skills and sometimes a health issue nobody has named yet.
Maybe your child left college after a hard semester. Maybe they finished school and never found a job. Maybe they sleep late, stay in their room and spend most of the day gaming or online. Friends have moved on, and they seem to have stopped trying.
From the outside it can look like a choice. From the inside it often feels like being frozen. Common reasons include:
- A setback, like failing classes or losing a job, that turned into shame and then avoidance
- Not knowing what they want, and fearing they will pick wrong
- Missing everyday skills, like making calls, keeping a schedule or filling out applications
- Social isolation that makes the outside world feel harder each week
- Screens and games that are easy, rewarding and always there
- Mood, attention or anxiety problems, or substance use, that make every step harder
Most young adults who feel stuck have more than one of these going on. That is normal. It also means there is rarely one fix.
What you can and cannot control
You cannot make an adult child want something. You can shape the home, your own responses and the support that is on offer.
Parents often burn out trying to control things that are not theirs to control. Sorting this out early saves a lot of frustration.
Things you cannot control:
- Whether your child feels motivated today
- What career or path they choose
- How fast they move, or whether they agree with your view of the problem
Things you can control:
- The rules and expectations in your home
- What you pay for and what you do not
- Your tone, and whether conversations stay calm
- Which kinds of help you offer and make easy to start
- Your own support, so you are not running on empty
When you focus on your side of the line, you give your child room to take ownership of theirs.
Conversations that work
Short, calm talks about one thing at a time work better than big lectures. Curiosity opens doors that pressure closes.
A young adult who feels stuck usually already feels judged. If every talk becomes a list of what they are doing wrong, they will avoid you, and the room door stays shut.
Things that tend to help:
- Pick a calm moment, not right after a fight or late at night
- Start with what you notice, not what you conclude. For example: “You seem really down lately. How are you doing?”
- Ask open questions and listen longer than feels natural
- Name one small next step rather than the whole future
- Keep it short. Ten good minutes beats an hour of arguing
- End with something warm, even if nothing was settled
Things that tend to backfire: comparing them to siblings or friends, sarcasm, threats you will not follow through on, and talking about them to other relatives in front of them.
If talks keep turning into fights, that is a sign to bring in an outside voice. Family coaching can help parents find words that land.
Expectations and boundaries at home
Clear, fair expectations are not punishment. They tell your child you believe they are capable of more.
Many parents slowly take on more and more, out of love or worry, until the home asks almost nothing of an adult child. That can make it easier to stay stuck.
Good expectations are specific, few in number and agreed on ahead of time. As a general example, a family might agree on:
- Being up and dressed by a set time on weekdays
- A small set of household chores
- A set number of hours each week on school, work, volunteering or a job search
- Screen or gaming limits during certain hours
- Showing up for family dinner a few nights a week
Write the plan down. Agree on what happens if it is not kept, and make sure it is something you will actually do. Both parents, or all the adults in the home, need to be on the same page, or the plan will fall apart.
Start small. A young adult who has been in their room for months will not jump to a full-time schedule. Wins build on wins.
When a mentor helps
Sometimes a young adult will hear from a mentor what they cannot hear from a parent. A mentor offers structure, accountability and a fresh voice.
Parents carry history. Even good advice can sound like criticism when it comes from Mom or Dad. A mentor is someone outside the family who meets regularly with your child, helps them set goals and checks in on follow-through.
A mentor may be a good fit when your child:
- Is willing to talk, but does not know where to start
- Needs help with daily structure, goal setting or job and school steps
- Responds better to someone closer to their age or stage of life
- Is not in crisis, but is not moving forward either
Blackburn Mentoring offers one-on-one mentoring and coaching for high school students, college students and young adults, in 60-minute sessions by video nationwide or in person in Los Angeles. Mentors are not licensed clinicians, so a mentor is not a substitute for therapy when mental health is part of the picture. Our guide on case management, mentoring or therapy explains the differences.
When to get a clinical evaluation
If being stuck lasts for months or comes with clear changes in mood, sleep or behavior, a professional evaluation is a smart step. It is not a label. It is information.
Low motivation can come from many places. Depression, anxiety, ADHD and substance use are common factors in young adults who stall, and they can look a lot like not caring. Only a qualified professional can sort out what is going on. Parents should not try to diagnose.
Consider an evaluation if you notice:
- Sadness, hopelessness or loss of interest that lasts more than a couple of weeks
- Big changes in sleep, eating or hygiene
- Strong worry or avoidance that keeps them from leaving the house
- Long-standing trouble with focus, finishing tasks or staying organized
- Signs of alcohol, cannabis or other drug use, or using to cope
- Talk of being a burden, or of not wanting to be here
If your child talks about suicide or you are worried for their safety, do not wait. Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911.
If substances are involved, keep in mind that stopping alcohol or benzodiazepines suddenly can be medically dangerous. Talk to a doctor before any change.
Blackburn Clinical Services offers individual therapy, psychiatric evaluation and medication management, neuropsychological testing and family-focused therapy for adolescents and adults. A good evaluation can also tell you whether a mentor, therapy or both make sense. Our guide on neuropsychological evaluations explains what testing involves.
How to measure progress
Progress is usually slow and uneven. Look at the direction over weeks, not the mood of a single day.
When you are worried, it is easy to only see what has not changed. Pick a few simple markers and check them every couple of weeks.
- Daily rhythm: up at a steady time, eating regular meals, keeping basic hygiene
- Follow-through: keeping appointments and doing what they said they would do
- Connection: time with family, friends or anyone outside the home
- Purpose: hours spent on school, work, volunteering or learning a skill
- Mood: more good days than before, even if bad days still happen
- Openness: willing to talk with you, a mentor or a therapist
Notice and name small wins out loud. A young adult who has felt like a failure for a long time needs to hear that the effort shows. Setbacks will happen. One bad week does not erase a month of steady steps.
If several months pass with no movement on any marker, it is time to change the plan, add support or get an evaluation if you have not.
Sources
Where to learn more from public health and official sources.
Next steps
You do not have to figure this out alone. A short call can help you sort out what kind of support fits.
If you are not sure whether your child needs a mentor, a clinical evaluation or support for the family, start with our Where to start page or the families page. You can also call (888) 305-5422 or email info@theblackburngroup.org, and we will talk it through with you.
If your child refuses all help, our guide on how to help a loved one who will not accept help may be useful.
If anyone is in danger, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911.
Related help in Los Angeles: Help for a young adult son or daughter. Or call (888) 305-5422.
Related guides
Questions
Should I make my adult child move out?
That is a personal decision, and there is no single right answer. Before that step, most families do better with a clear written plan at home, steady expectations and outside support. If you do set a move-out date, give plenty of notice and make sure your child knows what help is still on offer.
Is gaming all day a real problem or just a hobby?
It depends on what it is replacing. If games crowd out sleep, meals, school, work or people, it has become a problem, whatever you call it. Heavy gaming is also sometimes a way of escaping anxiety or low mood, which is worth looking at with a professional.
What if my child will not agree to see a mentor or therapist?
Try offering a choice between two options, or ask them to try a single session. Some young adults are more open to a mentor first, because it feels less clinical. You can also get support for yourself in the meantime, since changes in how parents respond often shift the whole home.
How long does it usually take to see change?
It varies a lot. Some young adults start moving within weeks once structure and support are in place. Others take months. Look for direction rather than speed, and adjust the plan if nothing is moving after a few months.